I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
