Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
