Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
