Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
