I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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