sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
