don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
