wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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