I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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