Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
