he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
