So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
