i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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