i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
