I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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