At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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