she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
