I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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