my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
