Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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