if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
