Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
