That's when you crack a 10am beer
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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