Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
