Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
