hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
