hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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