the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
