I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize