I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
