I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't deserve a penis
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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