I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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