I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
