Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We just shotgunned beers for America
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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