Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize