I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize