I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
