Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Success! We fucked roommates!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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