Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
