what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
