It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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