his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
