i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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