dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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