College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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