By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You left your phone here
Wait...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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