My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
