I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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