and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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