I think I won the penis lottery.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
