i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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