I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
