thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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