if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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