Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
