I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
