He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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