ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize