I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
