I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
