I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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