The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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