I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
