he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize