I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
