Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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