saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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