is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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