So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is wine microwaveable?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
