I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
